Okay, I've been the victim of online marketing... "Come Visit Our New Men's Store on Bleecker Street..." Coach... So I clicked on the ad.
Coach- if I had all the money I've spent in their stores from girlfriends past, lets just say- I wouldn't have to find gainful employment... like ever again.
Between Coach and Tiffany & Co.- if I had all the monies I spent in these stores for ex-girlfriends- shit- if I had all the merchandise back, I could open a successful eBay Store.
Forget the money- I'd have a bona fide business.
Pity of it is- I shockingly still have most of the colorful little boxes and gift bags. (Don't ask me why...)
But I was intrigued when a company like Coach, so in-tune with the female shopping psyche (have you ever seen the bags, um, "the lifestyle" they're selling?) is now targeting the men...Yeah- what kind of men?
Well, who am I to judge- but I'll be straight with you- I wouldn't buy anything so targeted towards a "man" from this place.
Just in time for the new season of Entourage, and on the heels of a Sex and the City II- comes this... this collection of what "men" should be buying- in the Village too, no less.
(Bunch of hipsters.)
Don't get me wrong- there is a market for accessorizing the man's lifestyle- but not like this.
I've had Coach wallets- they're great... But you best believe- in the fifteen years it takes to wear-through one- when it gets all old and worn- beyond the one discreet "Coach" stamping- you wouldn't know if it's a Coach- or something else. It's a leather wallet... That's it. It's brown. Or black... now it's dirty.
But sadly enough- there is nothing timeless about leather wallets that zip-shut, with "Coach" or the letter "C" embossed all over them- and keychains that match, and don't forget that sporty racing stripe. Gotta have that...
Timeless? Neither are leather paperweights in the form of volley balls. Or totes for men.
Totes for men? Please. Either you rock cheap luggage or the plastic bags you saved from the Duane Reade- there's no appropriate, manly "day bag" for a truly accessorized "man."
I have a trend for you- howabout using those old Coach and Tiffany gift bags as day bags... It would make for great conversation...
"What kind of bag is that?"
"Oh... this? This is the bag I gave my girlfriend for Christmas. Then the bitch left me... and took the hyped-up shit with her..."
(That's man conversation.)
Steve McQueen- arguably the coolest man if there ever was one, was into accessories.
Persol folding sunglasses, Rolex Submariners, and more distressed denim and leather goods than you'd hope to have the lifestyle it took to actually distress it yourself.
And none of this shit was ever bought in a boutique on Bleecker Street- unless it was, of course robbed off a dead guy, lying dead on Bleecker Street... from back in McQueen's day. Back in the day when he fixed motorcycles in the Village.
But things have clearly changed.
Any man rocking a C-bag... Is clearly a D-bag.
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