Memories... Of an M3

I hate the BMW M3- I see one on the road and automatically- the guy driving it is either a spoiled hipster or an immature d-bag with more money than sense.

You gotta watch these guys- more-often-than-not they can't drive and if they can- they know they're in the Ultimate Driving Machine- ultimate enough to pull something stupid and cause an accident for everyone else.

Well, hate's a strong word- I mean, it's not the M3's fault. And I'm just now putting it in perspective enough where- where it's okay to drive an M3. (More on that below...)

It's not the car's fault I grew-up in an neighborhood and time when from the day you made your Bar/Bat Mitzvah- you saved your $50 savings bonds and $36 gift checks (double Chai- it's good luck...) just so you could buy half, a quarter or (most times) none... of a BMW M3 in four years' time.

(Hell- if you had a thousand $36 checks- you had a brandy-new BMW M3- a stripped-out one, in 1995 money anyway...)

You didn't know what it could do- you didn't care- it was the best small BMW money could buy- all the magazines said so- and it was expensive. And fast. And... and... "Daddy said I can have one..."

And Car and Driver loved it.

Ever notice how Car and Driver Magazine always talked-up the BMW M3 "back in the day," it won, and a BMW won like every side-by-side comparison they published?

(Did I mention I hate Car and Driver Magazine too? But that's another story- for another time.)

My first experiences with the M3 came around 1988- the Filipino guys- a bunch of brothers or cousins who lived in a house down the street in the cul-de-sac had one- a Henna Red one- the first generation E30 version- when it was a true four-cylinder racing homlogation.

They also had a Medium Blue Mercedes 300E with an AMG kit (back when you had to order your AMG kit from Beverly Hills Motoring Accessories...) But the M3 was their favorite- it was the car they drove sideways when they weren't washing it in the cul-de-sac.

They didn't cut their lawn or paint their house, but the M3 was always clean and in good order... Priorities, you know...

But that was over 20 years ago- and the first BMW M3s were once (basically) race cars, converted for street use- produced and sold only because German DTM Sedan Racing rules mandated it- so BMW could homologate, certify the car for competition.

Over the years the car got bigger, heavier- straight sixes then and now a full-blown V8s under the hood. Sure, they still race them- but its more like believing the Chevrolet Monte Carlo or Dodge Charger you buy is the same car NASCAR races on Sunday... It's just not the same these days...

The M3s are good cars- they rate well and go even better- I just don't respect the M3 or the crowd it appeals to- little kids who want to go fast.

Just the other day I saw a guy in his late 60's driving a fairly current M3- I got sick to my stomach. Maybe he was driving his grandchild's car while his 7-Series was in the shop?

I just can't see why a grown-ass-man would want to be caught dead in an M3.

It's small, the ride is harsh, it's noisy and brash. And it's really expensive- like twice what they were when I was a teenager.

Okay, so when is it okay to drive an M3? When it's 2010, you're 31 and you drive a 1995 E36 M3.

This is when it's acceptable to be caught dead driving an M3. When you're in your thirties and the M3 is almost half-way to being in its thirties too.

I've decided that it's okay to like (or lust) the M3 when it's the M3 you would have gotten if you had a thousand $36 double-Chai notes to blow on a new BMW when you were seventeen.

Then and only then are you not a total asshole. Instead you're nostalgic!

When it's either Dakar Yellow or Daytona Violet Metallic, a 3-liter straight-six model, you're okay by me. (Maybe an Alpine White Lightweight version with Motorsports trim if you want to really impress me and make me jealous...)

Sure, I know they uprated the torque on the '96 models and punched-it-out to a 3.2-liter- but I'll take a basic '95 coupe- that was the one... 240 horses- just one throttle body (the European versions of the same car had six throttle bodies and something like 80 or a 100 more horses... The USA cars were pigs in comparison.)

I can close my eyes and see the Car and Driver issue with the yellow M3 blazing across the cover- $36,000... 0-60 in 5.6 seconds. 240 horses.

I even remember they took two dimes and drove over them with the car- the steering and suspension were supposed to be so precise- you could feel a dime under the tires- giving an idea of what positive, precision road-feel is all about.

Eh, looking back- who cares? What did I know then (or now) anyway?

But I'd pick-one-up today (if you can find clean, original one...) to re-live the innocence, finally!

I'm glad I didn't have one back then. I wouldn't have appreciated it as much as I do now; for lack of being a total jaded asshole, too, of course.

I did, however, come very close to an M3 in my somewhat youth- I had a 1986 Mercedes-Benz 190E 2.3-16 Valve in my mid-twenties... A Cosworth Mercedes.

(For that story- I'm going to entitle it... "Memories... of a Maniac.")

Another story. For yet, again another time.

The M3 for me will always be for me- the other car. For another, way simpler, and thankfully unspoiled time.