New Years Musings, Better Late Than Never

Happy New Year Everyone! (Yeah, I know. A little late for that.) The automobile world has been trudging along quite nicely in 2011- I will contest there's nothing game changing going on. Trust me.

While the auto world is abuzz from the turnaround of the US automobile business, at the heels of the Detroit Auto Show- Ford is humming along nicely; the Chevy Volt has won the prestigious Motor Trend's Car of the Year Award; and Chrysler, despite living in and around a toilet going on two years now- has redesigned its flagship 300.

Did I ever tell you about my tenure with the 300? Six years ago- I was selling the then Motor Trend Car of the Year for 2005- boy have things changed there... Not a highpoint of my life, I'll admit- but few can say they knew the 300 "when" they were selling at full-list and it was a car people actually would trade-in a Mercedes-Benz or a Lexus for.

In 2005 everyone was getting fat and drunk off their real estate and stock portfolios- and the "Baby Bentley" 300- and what wins in 2011? A plug-in electric car?

Maybe it's a sign of the times? But in the pecking-order of things, a la the classic Post War American mentality of "my Chrysler trumps your Chevy" well, things have certainly changed forever.

2011 is not without it's fair share of ongoing recalls- including the latest from Honda- where something to do with a wiring harness in the CRVs is causing some Japanese engineer to fall on a sword, somewhere, but hopefully not the mass suicide (or was it mass murder?) that Toyota felt in 2010.

And there's even a smattering of recalls over at GM- something to do with the axles of their trucks? But again, compared to the Camry fiasco- in my humble opinion- any recall that even makes the news is a "quiet recall," a blip on the old dealer's bulletin.

Like when your Subaru goes in for a service and there's something to do an e-prom adjustment- that may give you better fuel economy? Or that "quiet recall" of a set of faulty rear wheel bearings that start to howl like tortured dogs- only to find out that you've driven too many miles for them to cover it under warranty. Not that I'm bitter about that or anything. But I'm digressing now at the risk of sounding, well bitter.

Another concern in the world of car- despite having pulled themselves from the doom-and-gloom of 2010's Recall-a-Rama, Toyota's platforms are aging- and while the same could be said for rebounding greats like General Motors- GM's making significant strides- so much so- that next year, 2012- promises to be yet another game-changer for GM- when "bold new" platforms sold overseas just may find themselves here, in the home market.

But a corporate reorganization is one thing- emerging from a PR nightmare- coupled to the fact that- Toyota makes boring cars to begin with, well- Toyota has a lot of ground to cover this year, and in the years to come; however, this didn't stop Toyota from unveiling the Prius wagon- the latest addition of what promises to be a whole lineup of hybrid Toyotas- or Priusses.

(I like how it rhymes and shares lots of letters with wusses...)

As if it was such a dramatic change from the Prius hatchback that its been selling for years? What? So the stuff behind the backseat gets a little more headroom.

It's like in Spinal Tap- "this one goes... to eleven."

Again, there's a reason why I haven't written anything going on three weeks.

It's Just the Movies... It's Only Make Believe.

As an impressionable young man, I fueled my first car lusts with television shows- and movies. Knight Rider, Herbie the Love Bug, The Dukes of Hazzard, Christine, these kinds of pictures... CNBC ran a bit on 13 cars made famous by the movies- and although I'll contest- some of these cars are as obscure as the movies they stared in, having a car in the pictures can literally create a frenzy, for what would have been a "lost" or average car to begin with.

The Astrial Silver Mercedes-Benz 280 SE Convertible, as featured in The Hangover is such an example. Was the car iconic to begin with? Absolutely, it's a vintage Mercedes convertible- but truth-be-told, while there's collector interest in these hand-built four-seater cabriolets, the 280 SE is not the most preferred, investment-grade version; nor is it the most desirable- in fact, the 280SE was the middle-of-the-road variety- the more desirable 300 SE and later, low-grill 280SE 3.5 being the most sought-after, technically speaking.

They used the better part of half-a-dozen 280 SEs in the movie- and while its painful to see its abuse and destruction in the film- rest assured- the five or so cars that gave their lives to the production were in-fact saving tens or dozens down the road. (I'd say hundreds or thousands- but they never made as many...)

My point? People will be dusting-off these 280 SEs now more than ever. In fact, while CNBC claims they go for over six-figures when restored, this is only half true- nice, low-mile models can be had for less than half that quote; with only the very best of specimens, mainly the 3.5s, go for the "big" six-figure numbers.

But perhaps the biggest pop in collector interest for a single car (and ironically not one featured in the CNBC article) was for the 1958 Plymouth- as featured in the film-version of Stephen King's Christine.

They used something like 25 different 1957 and 1958 Plymouths in the films' production- destroying nearly every one of them.

Of some interest (in the original book) Christine was a specially-ordered, Autumn Red Plymouth Fury sedan- only one problem- Plymouth never made a such a car. And Autumn Red? It didn't exist.

The car featured in the movie is actually most similar to a '58 Plymouth Belvedere Sport Coupe with a Golden Commando V8- though many call it a Fury, painted Toredor Red with Sportone trim- another car that never existed in real life- Furys in 1958 came one way- Buckskin Beige with special Goldtone trim. They were limited, sport editions, of the shittiest, lowest cars Chrysler made at the time, really...

Collectors of these Forward Look beauties cringe and cry over it today- for to find any 1958 Plymouth (regardless of color and trim) is a rare sight- many surrendered to rust long ago- but the hard fact remains- it's Christine that has forever immortalized this Plymouth, and many like it as a desired collectible.

So while the movie destroyed a couple dozen cars- it saved and promoted hundreds, maybe thousands.

I guess these cars are like famous people- while many spend their lives fascinated by celebrities, truth-be-known, their just regular people with better, more visible jobs and lives than the rest of us.

But while the famous still put their pants on, "one-leg-at-a-time" (or so many still claim)- these cars are just average, made-up at best, that got lucky into the land of make believe- the movies.

End of the Line For the PT Loser

Today, July 9, 2010 marks a day that will burn in the hearts of car guys everywhere- it's the end of the road for the venerable and lovable Chrysler PT Cruiser.

Okay- maybe I'm being a bit dramatic... No car guy really ever loved the PT Cruiser, but as one who once sold them- I'll never forget the little retro-styled car.

When I started selling Chryslers in the fall of 2004, the PT Cruiser was really, our only inexpensive, small-car offering.

Us salesmen quickly dubbed it the "PT Loser," because aside from financially raping someone in special finance, there was literally no money to made on them. They were "flats," $75 losers.

The strangest people liked them... Many of which brought-in the local paper ad, where we always had one "loss leader," on a car that was so stripped-down- any more and it would be a retro-mobile to the Flintstones-era.

Some notable favorites who came-in and bought the Loser Cruiser (that come to my mind anyway) was an old (odd) hippie couple from Hackensack, who of all-things drove another, older, PT Cruiser.

They had seen the ad for a $13,999 car, and had wanted to upgrade. But before they cold lay-eyes on the "stripper" we were slinging in the local paper, walking them through the lot they spotted the Limited Edition Dream Cruiser (Chrysler for a while made limited production Dream Cruisers- even numbered them in a series as if they were model matchbox cars to be collected out of a Happy Meal...)

As the husband of the pair saw the Metallic Purple Dream Cruiser- he said to his wife "if we had that, we'd be the envy of the club..."

The wife then whispered back to him- "can you imagine doing it that one?"

Doing it? What kind of club were they talking about?

At this point- I prayed I didn't have to appraise their trade...

Turns out the dynamic duo were members of a club- a PT Cruiser club- but it is still unclear as to what kind of cruising- they were doing in the back of their cars...

Another notable Cruiser favorite was the lady on welfare from Toms River, who schlepped her brother, about ninety miles up the Garden State Parkway for the privilege of busting my balls over a black PT Cruiser that had to have a simulated wood-grain paneling kit on the sides- (like an old Woody Wagon...) or she'd refuse to drive it.

The lady was literally destitute and her brother had offered to co-sign on a new car- but she insisted on the $3,500 right to have fake wood glued on the sides of her new basic transportation. In fact, she was quite animate about it proclaiming "I would never drive a PT Cruiser without wood on the side... I'm not low-class..."

Her words, not mine. (Hey, the customer is always right, what can I say?)

I remember my desk boss in the tower- who penned the deals quipping "the bitch doesn't have a pot to piss in... but she wants wood on her PT Cruiser... Welcome to f'n America asshole..." he overcharged her on the wood package- after all- it doesn't hurt to try when you know it's not going to happen.

We blew-her-out- no car, no wood and all.

But the last and final PT Cruiser anecdote belongs to the 94 year-old lady who walked in one January afternoon and wrote a check, for what was surely going to be... her last car.

Mary was 94 and... (to her anyway) it was time to say goodbye to the green 1994 Plymouth Neon with 14,700 original miles. She needed a new Chrysler.

She paid for the thing with a bank check- that we made her go and get... Signed the papers and drove away- running over the curb as she made it back to Route 4.

I like to think- she loved the Cruiser because it reminded her of cars when she was.... 34.

Not all the people who drove PT Cruisers were losers- but those who did drive them- were as old as they were odd- and invariably- blind as a bat.

Not a segment worth promoting, especially when you're bankrupt.

I'm just wondering when Chevrolet will follow suit and discontinue the HHR- their answer for making a car like the PT Loser.

Doors That Catch Fire... Brakes That Fail and Accelerators That Stick. Oh My.

Wow... Chrysler recalls nearly 600,000 vehicles. Gee, ya think?

Seems like Chrysler has taken a page out of the success saga that has been Toyota- but it took a page from one of the later volumes. Wha, whaaaaaa.

(Okay, bad joke.)

But I'll tell you what isn't a joke (well, it actually was a joke...) I sold Chryslers about six years ago now- and about the only thing that differentiated us at all (in a positive way) were two cars- the 300 and the Town & Country minivan.

Forget the 300- it was a fad.

Without those two vehicles then, in 2004/2005- Chrysler didn't have a product. Now, one of them- the Town & Country could develop a short in the automatic sliding doors- that could catch fire.

Just what you want to hear when you're thinking about a safe family van.

Jeeps Wranglers which brakes may fail- and Dodge Calibers whose accelerators are going the way of Toyota's.

But now Chrysler is run by Fiat- and I like the fact that they're instilling that Fiat quality they were renowned for back when America drove Fiats.

Okay, that was also a joke too. But the joke isn't funny anymore. Time for some Morrissey.



Chrysler- try not to kill yourselves.

I've Been Here Before... And So Has Chrysler. The Second or Third Coming of Chrysler.

Okay- little dark secret about the The Car Guy Gets It here... in his darkest hour he sold Chryslers. There, I said it. You can all laugh now...

But that was years ago- when they, the Chryslers, were glorious.

(Funny how we tend to glorify our lives no matter how shitty they may have been at one time or another... Chryslers included.)

They weren't glorious- but I was selling them at the zenith of the DaimlerChrysler empire- when they made such masterpieces as the Chrysler Crossfire (which, I'll have you know was a first-generation Mercedes-Benz SLK with an ugly Chrysler skin...) Sto-N-Go seating (the middle and back row seating of the Town & Country folded flat into the fucking floor... in-to the fucking floor!) and alas- the Baby Bentley... Ah, the Chrysler 300. The Three Hund... the Three-Hundo.

The Chrysler 300- for about 9 months between October 2004 till I want to say about the time I left around (for the record I was fired, can you believe?) spring 2005- they couldn't keep that car on the shelf.

Everyone wanted a 300- Chrysler was back baby and the 300 was a testament to what Chrysler and Mercedes-Benz could do to make an exciting car that people wanted.

Then- like most anything else- the fad cooled a bit- everyone who wanted or actually liked a 300 got one, now they can't give them away- good car aside- but it was exciting to have sold them when they were hot- I guess when I'm old and gray I can brag to my grandchildren how "I sold the 300 before every rapper had one in their music video."

(A little side story here- I sold three Dodge Magnums to The Diplomats- Dip Set Bitch... but that's another story for another post...)

Anyway- that's ancient history. Thank God.

And Chrysler too was almost ancient history when they went totally fucking bankrupt then Fiat came to the rescue and bought them, in a move that would make it very easy to market and plan their next foray in America the Fiat 500. Only this time, they're hoping they don't leave the country with the Fix It Again Tony sentiment.

Now, the biggest and brightest auto mavens are looking toward the 2011 Jeep Grand Cherokee as the next savior of the brand- in an article published by the Associated Press and featured on Yahoo! this morning.

The Jeep Grand Cherokee has always been a game-changer, a winner. But personally- this is not 1995 anymore. The game isn't about changing it anymore- but rather- staying in the game.

SUVs are not as popular as they once were- BUT- the Cherokee promises efficiency, livability in a car world and segment that has gotten a little smaller in the mind, and lighter in the wallet when it comes to fuel costs and a lot more refined.

Yeah, yeah- they claim the new 2011 Grand Cherokee was in planning "way before Fiat came along..." but what they're not telling you is- this Chrysler Second Coming is- you guessed it- based off Mercedes-Benz ML underpinnings.
So- if you want a taste of what the Second Coming of Chrysler- go to your local Mercedes-Benz Center and drive the ML- a car they've been slinging going on five years now.

I don't doubt the 2011 Jeep Grand Cherokee isn't going to be great- it will. All Grand Cherokees have been good- but can they turn around an entire company?

As I remembered it- Jeeps were never the problem in the Chrysler arena- Chryslers were. Then again, America loves an underdog and a continual underdog storyline Chrysler has been for 40 years- think the Rocky series but with a car brand.