Yeah... Coach Men's Store. For What Kind of Men? C-Bag? Meet D-Bag.

Okay, I've been the victim of online marketing... "Come Visit Our New Men's Store on Bleecker Street..." Coach... So I clicked on the ad.

Coach- if I had all the money I've spent in their stores from girlfriends past, lets just say- I wouldn't have to find gainful employment... like ever again.
Between Coach and Tiffany & Co.- if I had all the monies I spent in these stores for ex-girlfriends- shit- if I had all the merchandise back, I could open a successful eBay Store.

Forget the money- I'd have a bona fide business.

Pity of it is- I shockingly still have most of the colorful little boxes and gift bags. (Don't ask me why...)
But I was intrigued when a company like Coach, so in-tune with the female shopping psyche (have you ever seen the bags, um, "the lifestyle" they're selling?) is now targeting the men...

Yeah- what kind of men?

Well, who am I to judge- but I'll be straight with you- I wouldn't buy anything so targeted towards a "man" from this place.

Just in time for the new season of Entourage, and on the heels of a Sex and the City II- comes this... this collection of what "men" should be buying- in the Village too, no less.

(Bunch of hipsters.)

Don't get me wrong- there is a market for accessorizing the man's lifestyle- but not like this.

I've had Coach wallets- they're great... But you best believe- in the fifteen years it takes to wear-through one- when it gets all old and worn- beyond the one discreet "Coach" stamping- you wouldn't know if it's a Coach- or something else. It's a leather wallet... That's it. It's brown. Or black... now it's dirty.

But sadly enough- there is nothing timeless about leather wallets that zip-shut, with "Coach" or the letter "C" embossed all over them- and keychains that match, and don't forget that sporty racing stripe. Gotta have that...

Timeless? Neither are leather paperweights in the form of volley balls. Or totes for men.

Totes for men? Please. Either you rock cheap luggage or the plastic bags you saved from the Duane Reade- there's no appropriate, manly "day bag" for a truly accessorized "man."

I have a trend for you- howabout using those old Coach and Tiffany gift bags as day bags... It would make for great conversation...

"What kind of bag is that?"

"Oh... this? This is the bag I gave my girlfriend for Christmas. Then the bitch left me... and took the hyped-up shit with her..."

(That's man conversation.)

Steve McQueen- arguably the coolest man if there ever was one, was into accessories.

Persol folding sunglasses, Rolex Submariners, and more distressed denim and leather goods than you'd hope to have the lifestyle it took to actually distress it yourself.

And none of this shit was ever bought in a boutique on Bleecker Street- unless it was, of course robbed off a dead guy, lying dead on Bleecker Street... from back in McQueen's day. Back in the day when he fixed motorcycles in the Village.

But things have clearly changed.

Any man rocking a C-bag... Is clearly a D-bag.

Anal Retentive... To the Second (But Within Specs...)

I deal with a lot of high-end timepieces, as I hinted in my last article about Rafael Nadal and his $525,000 wristwatch... And the more I deal in them- the more I see people, collectors (most just consumers who think they're collectors- but really just more-informed buyers with more time and money on their hands... um... I mean wrists...) and the question that always gets posed- "is it keeping Chronometer specs..."

That's when you know you're dealing with an amateur collector... And you know the expression of "a little bit of knowledge?" It's dangerous.

I have to laugh- that's like asking a driver if his Ferrari is keeping the 186 miles-per-hour, or the 0-60 in 4.3 seconds-flat, the performance benchmark promises- when really, generally, you don't want one that's gone that fast or that quickly as it means... well, other things.

But sure- you want a watch that costs thousands of dollars (notice how I left out the word "worth?" That's another conversation for another post...) to keep good time- that would make sense- but what are you timing it for?

Do you navigate ships without a GPS? Do you work for the Italian railroad? Are you afraid you'll overdo your eggs in the morning?

Maybe- yes- you want a watch to keep good time- after all, what are you wearing it for?

Your cellphone tells good time... It's more than likely tied to the satellite cell's time- which- probably mimics the official atomic clock, or NIST?

My very last business professor in grad school- a brilliant Chinese man once posed the question in an economic symposium in Switzerland "why make watches when everyone knows the cellphone tell better time...".

The Swiss didn't find him too amusing. And he always ended every sentence with a smile and a nod to go with his "pearls..." But he had a point.

Why do we wear watches when the accurate time is shockingly less and less important nor as detrimental to our lives as it once was- as in actuality- the right time is all around us- or just a click away?

Because many people have learned of the COSC- or in other, translated words Certified Official Superlative Chronometer specs.

The mass-premium watch companies like Rolex, Breitling, and Omega have sold us on this standard- like it really counts.

For most mechanical wristwatches- the standard deviation is plus-six-seconds/minus-four-seconds (+6/-4); the standards get tighter as the diameter of the watch movement gets larger; and loser for smaller mechanical movements.

Want to know the true sign of a watch manufacturer that makes "good" and "accurate" movements- look at their ladies-sized watches- see if they keep within chronometer specs!

But just because your $12,000 Rolex or your $120,000 Patek Philippe doesn't keep within chronometer specs doesn't mean there's something wrong with the watch.

It just means 1.) it's not running (duh!) 2.) it's not being worn or 3.) it could need a cleaning or an adjustment.

I know where there are some six-figure Pateks not keeping COSC specs because they've never been used, worn on a wrist, nor have they ever been run-in. And yes- they need a service too! (And that's $1500 on a Patek with nothing needing replacement!)

Watch movements are actually miniature engines. Engines that require servicing, lubrication and periodic adjustment- something a lot of people- even the wealthy and well-informed surprisingly don't understand.

Just imagine the servicing your car would need if it ran constantly, non-stop 24-hours a day... For five years.

But where am I going with all this?

If you want to sound like a real watch collector- and not just a consumer with a little bit of knowledge and a few extra bucks to spend because after all "we all know the cellphone tell better time..." don't ask if its keeping within COSC specs....

That's an adjustment. Or a service. Or a break-in. It means nothing.

The true watch collector rarely wears any of his most valuable, most prized watches- they sit in a safe or vault and get traded, bought and sold like any asset that fluctuates.

They're owned. And not because they keep good time. (Notice how I didn't say the words "great time?")

But you want to hear how ironic all this is- I maintain, own and use (wear) a small wristwatch collection. Few Rolex, a nice watch here and there- nothing too great as far as "good" watches go.

I oversee, have access to a slightly larger collection of privately owned watches- worth- ballpark estimates- maybe a million dollars on any given Sunday if you pool them all together? Truly some great watches- the very best money and praise can buy.

But the most accurate watch I have access to is a quartz freebie- given to me by Chrysler Five-Star, because I sold Chryslers in the fall of 2004...

It's a Tommy Hilfiger total-piece-of-shit, with a plastic Chinese quartz movement- about the size of my middle finger's nail... (Notice the use of the middle finger?)

I use the middle finger because it's so poetic, it's ironic- how after "investing" and collecting thousands of hard-earned dollars in timepieces- the most accurate watch I know- was free. And from a miserable, absolute low-point of my so-called "career."

It's rich- let me tell you.

Work hard. Buy expensive watches. And your shady, unlucky past laughs at you giving you the best watch of your so-called collection- as far as being a watch goes, anyway.

But this watch keep better time than cellphone.

In all honestly- click on www.time.gov if you want to know the right time to the second- or if you want to do like any watch "collector" with a little bit of knowledge does- hack your watch- and see how it goes... To the second.

Just don't lose any sleep over it. Unless you're running a railroad, navigating a merchant ship to the New World, or some crazy shit like that.

Everything else is just being anal, though they still say "timing is everything."

Your timing may not be impeccable; but this watch guy hopes it's at least "within specs..."

I Know Jack-Sh!T About Tennis... But...

I know Jack-shit about tennis- I know a lot about wristwatches...

And I know Roger Federer wears a Rolex.

Or at least in the commercials he does.

So when I learned this morning that Rafael Nadal wears a $525,000 wristwatch, I was intrigued. Even if I don't know who or what the hell a Rafael Nadal is.

Turns out he's a very good tennis player, maybe even one of the best alive today- and the makers of Richard Mille timepieces will have you believing they produce the best, most advanced wristwatches you can buy... Today, for $525,000.

Weighing just 20 grams (or about the same weight as eight pennies according to the article) the RM 027 Tourbillion by Richard Mille is a high-performance, high-tech and high-ticketed item- even for the pro tour.

It promises accuracy, wearability, and, at over half-a-million-dollars, exclusivity. Carbon composite case, lithium-alloy innards.... That's nice. Just FYI- I'm laughing as I write this- as this watch is a Tourbillion- which any watch fanatic worth his wrist will tell you is absolutely, positively worthless on or in the functionality of a wristwatch.

It's just for bragging rights. It's useless!

The Tourbillion complication dates back when pocket and carriage clocks, which were traditionally and typically kept in one, say, upright position. (No use talking about things that are useless....)

From Wikipedia:
In horology, a tourbillon (pronounced /tʊərˈbɪljən/, French: [tuʁbijɔ̃], "whirlwind") is an addition to the mechanics of a watch escapement. Developed around 1795 by the French - Swiss watchmaker Abraham-Louis Breguet from an earlier idea by the English chronometer maker John Arnold a tourbillon counters the effects of gravity by mounting the escapement and balance wheel in a rotating cage, ostensibly in order to negate the effect of gravity when the timepiece (and thus the escapement) is rotated. Originally an attempt to improve accuracy, tourbillons are still included in some expensive modern watches as a novelty and demonstration of watchmaking virtuosity. The mechanism is usually exposed on the watch's face to show it off.

A wristwatch worn on the arm of a tennis player is surely countering the effects of gravity- if it's not- well, it isn't much of a tennis game!

But trust me when I tell you- buy one of the 50 they're producing, and go to sell it later-on- you'll be lucky to get ten-cents on the dollar.

Ten-cents on the dollar if it's absolutely mint, unworn, perfect and has never, ever, possibly seen the clay of a tennis court- or the sweat off Rafael Nadal's forearm.

Take it from a person who has brokered dozens and dozens of high-end timepieces to a collector world that is fickle and outright anal-retentive to say the least...

But from someone who doesn't know Jack-shit about tennis- I applaud Richard Mille in marketing a $525,000 watch on the arm of a pro tennis player.

That's a great publicity stunt.

As for Rolex and Roger Federer- now that's advertising.

Again, I know Jack-shit about tennis... But I know who Roger Federer is... And I know he wears a Rolex.

Then again... What-the-hell do I know anyway?

I know I don't have $525,000 to spend on a watch.

What's This Leaf Worth? Nothing... To Me, Anyway.

I'm not keen on the all-electric Nissan Leaf. I just don't think all-electric plug-in is where it's at... But that's just me.

I was shocked that 19,000 units is all it took to sell-it-out for the year... I mean, what's 19,000 cars?

But hearing the special preparations this Leaf requires- like plugging it in every hundred miles or so- well, it's 19,000 headaches.

Still- just a drop in the bucket than what say Toyota is going through... Headaches-wise!

Oh- did you know they've officially stopped selling the Lexus LS because of that funky steering problem?

But anyway- what do I know? I just don't get the Leaf. And apparently- I'm too late anyway- according to this article here.

I'm sitting on my couch- watching HD Theater, a new show called What's My Car Worth.

Two car guys- Bill Stephens and Keith Martin- two "big deal" car experts who do a real bang-up job commentating auctions, such as Mecum... Anyway...

They give their opinions on collector cars- their value- their history... They guess what they're worth.

They're hardly ever totally right.

It boils down to what they know, and what they like.

Again- like them- I'm probably wrong about the Leaf... I just don't get it. I know what I like- and the Leaf isn't it.

This is Good News... For At Least 1,100 Michigan Workers

Just today I was having a conversation with a close friend of mine, an elder gentleman of 81 who fondly remembers America, well... under a different set of circumstances.

We were talking about things- how they, things, are today, and lets just say- you don't have to be a worldly economic maven to know that things are bad in Detroit.

When I say Detroit- I'm talking the mainstream American auto business.

There are glimmers of hope here and there- much of the formerly known as "Big Three" automakers are reporting good news, in drips and drabs anyway.

Even then- it's an interpretation of how you want to read the numbers. Sometimes, even, it's just spin.

But I was happy to hear that Chrysler plans on employing an additional 1,100 much needed jobs to produce the new 2011 Jeep Grand Cherokee as reported here.

Sure, it's just 1,100 jobs- but imagine how it feels to be one of those 1,100 in an area so depressed- it's been compared to a war zone?

Wouldn't have been the first war zone the all-mighty Jeep has liberated.

I'm actually quite surprised- because much of the all-new Grand-Cherokee does share underpinnings with the Mercedes-Benz ML- a car that has been produced in Alabama, going-on almost 15 years now...

My friend, 81, was liberated by the Americans from a German death camp in 1945. The GI's, who named him "Ike," after General Eisenhower, arrived in Jeeps.

Ike learned to drive a stick-shift in a Jeep during Korea, while stationed at the Aberdeen Proving Grounds- even told me how some of the boys knew how to literally kick the gear-lever into gear using just their feet... Timing it perfectly with the clutch and gas.

I like how Chrysler, politicians, the media and whomever else involved- is trying to kick this country back to where it should be.

Timing it perfectly for 1,100 in Detroit.

If anything- it's a spin in the right direction for a true American hero that is no stranger to saving the day, or the world too for that matter.

I Think.... These Are the Only Cars... Under Eighteen Large!

CNN published an article- the Coolest Cars Under $18,000....

But I honestly think- these are just about the only cars priced under $18,000... A few Hondas- a Hyundai... Now a Kia... Most of which are hatchbacks or wagons.

(Remember when hatchbacks and wagons were just about the un-coolest things on four wheels?- What a difference a decade makes...)

I mean, there aren't a lot of cars for this kind of money- $18,000? I think the real question of "cool" should be posed around $25,000- where a lot of mid-sized cars come-in.

Little cars are easy to be cool, their size, their audience maybe even their color hint their hep nature.

Try painting "cool" on a four-door midsized sedan. Then, I think, you'd have an article.

Now I have an article... and I can't think of one cool mid-size in the $25,000 range...

The real writing begins with a "cool car" that you need, and not one that you want... Or think you'd look cool in because its small and a funky color that will get you arrested, or at least pulled-over.

When you can sell the sizzle on bread and butter... Then you'd have "cool car," most everyone can appreciate... either that... or.... grilled cheese...

I mean- how many times besides grilled cheese does bread and butter sizzle? Not many.

Hawaii Five... Zero.

Earlier in the week I was astonished to hear they're re-making the cult Hawaiian crime series- Hawaii Five-O; but I read more of the new series on Yahoo! here.

You would think over 30 years since the original- and the new opening is the best we can do?

Please...

I still like the original.

Yeah, Toyota is "It!" What's a Few Thousand More on Over 8,000,000?

Now every little recall, no matter how deadly or not- if it's associated with Toyota or Lexus- it's getting in the news...

The latest?

Toyota (Lexus) is recalling a few thousand (4,500 in Japan- but warned it may spill onto other markets abroad... or 7,000 more) Lexus LS sedans due to a malfunction in some fancy variable angle steering system- where the car controls how much steering angle the wheels turn based on speed, situation, etc, etc.

This system is different than most cars- where many luxury cars going on fifteen, twenty years old, have a system that regulates power steering boost- reducing the effort to turn the wheels at low speeds- while maintaining a stiffer feel at higher speeds.

But no, this is a Lexus LS- the car that can park itself has a computerized system unlike many other cars- that's what makes it a Lexus, right?

Maybe, and it's still a Toyota too. That's what makes it recalled. And in the news.

CBS to Remake Hawaii Five-O!

CBS is going to re-make Hawaii Five-O!

Goosebumps is all I get when I hear the original opening score of Hawaii Five-O, and that pan-in of Jack Lord, standing on a balcony of the Ilikai Hotel... "Book'em Danno..."

Growing up, my grandmother on my father's side lived with us on the weekends and stayed with us sometimes for weeks on end... Her smoking, and her television habits were pure 1960's and 70's; this was in the 80's when channels like 9 (UPN) and 11 (PIX) ran older shows in syndication. This was also back-in-the-day when Saturday afternoons meant Kung-Fu!

Hawaii Five-O was grandma's favorite- and I took a liking to the opening credit song and sequence, often covered by The Ventures. To my surprise- Hawaii Five-O ran from 1968 to 1980- so, it wasn't a totally "vintage" show when I started watching it.

Now most every "new" show I watched as a kid back then is now on Nick At Nite- which makes me feel really old... But anyway.

My grandfather on my mother's side, the described "Buick man" in Saturday's post was a Barnaby Jones freak- which exclusively used Ford Motor Division products... My grandmother had a thing for Jack Lord, "Steve McGarrett"- who rode around in a black Mercury Parklane Brougham.

Must have been a CBS thing... Fords- which ironically, neither of them, my grandfather nor my grandmother would have been caught dead riding in...

Between the two of them- I grew an appreciation for instrumental opening credits, funky suits, skinny ties and 4,000-pound sedans- or what I like to call- "Grown-Ass Man Cars..."

But while I'm excited to see Hawaii Five-O returning, and something different than the reality TV crap that abounds today- I don't know how the "Son of Steve McGarrett," or notions of him do in the new-world in which we live now.

My honest opinion? Well, I'm not a network TV expert but I don't know any re-makes that have taken-off, unless it's a spin-off of the CSI franchise- in that case- they should have called it "CSI Hawaii... ('Five-O' If You're Still Alive & Remember It Fondly...)"

But just a few years ago- NBC tried a remake of one of my personal favorites Knight Rider.

And we all know what a popular show that was- just one season. Maybe it was the plot, maybe the acting? Or maybe it was the car- after all- I never took a liking to the morphing Mustang Shelby they used as a replacement for KITT- who, as you know- was a highly modified Pontiac Trans-Am.

While the notions of going retro or back are good and well-intended; the actuality remains- you often really can't go there again.

Sons of, daughters of... nephews of, or just sons of bitches can never replace the true original.

The players, the people and the plots have changed forever. And yes, the cars have too.

And so it goes... you can't go home again. Not even if it is on CBS- and it still is, probably just a glorified Ford commercial... and a ploy to bring back funky suits, skinny ties and Brylcreem too, of course. Which ironically, I also like.

Gee Dad... Another Gran Sport? Really?

My grandfather on my mother's side was a Buick man. In his 88 years- I think he owned only one other kind of car, a blue, '76 Pontiac Catalina- a car he bought because I think my father got involved and persuaded him to another one of the General's mid-seventies treasures- (everyone was tired of his Buicks....) but for much of his adult life- from during WWII when he started driving till his death in 2001- he had about a dozen different Buicks.

I think he liked Buicks because they were the closest thing to a Packard- his father's, my great-grandfather's choice of car.

Cadillacs were just too flashy, and God-forbid he would make my grandmother happy with notions of keeping-up with the Jones'.

He'd chant an old Buick tag-line "Gee Dad... Another Buick," and while I haven't the time to affirm it- I think it was an old national (or maybe local?) Buick marketing by-line- touting the stalwart, sensible and value-packed Buick brand.

Anyway- I like Buicks- if only for family tradition. I'm working on doing a true car-by-car comparison between the Buick Lucern/Lacrosse to the similar Lexus. The mass-media has done it- but what does the mass-media know?

And I'm finding it very funny how the newer Buick offerings are going, or gunning head-to-head with those from Lexus. Gone are those cheesy commercials featuring a ghostly Harley Earl, tipping his fedora asking "are you ready for a real car?"

Take the new Buick Regal- just hitting showrooms around this time- they'd like you to compare it to the Lexus IS, BMW 3-Series and Mercedes-Benz C-Class. Stiff, proven competition if you ask me.
GM is advertising "may the best car win..." and personally, I'd like to think Buick can- but in the compact sedan segment- it's a very sensitive, visible segment of automobiles. Then again, as in every other segment- Buick is offering a similar car at over $5,000-less in base MSRP- that's real money at most any segment, size and price point.

Younger people looking to "step-up" look to this segment for an heir of exclusivity, a product that can give a hint of brand recognition, performance and a good amount of value in an easy-to-swallow size.

Buick is even hinting at a GS, or Gran Sport version- with a turbocharged four-cylinder, racing inspired faring, stiffer suspension and brakes, a six-speed, all-wheel-drive... And a performance heritage- the Gran Sport name made famous back in the 60's... When Buicks, well... were Buicks. And the only real performance competition came in the form of Chevys Super Sports, Oldsmobile 442s, Pontiac GTOs, and other Buicks too, of course.

GM is inferring 0-60 sprints in "under 6-seconds," but in my opinion, they're going to have to do better than that. Much better- the import, small luxury sports sedan crowds are fans of numbers, facts, notions that may or may not be true.

These days the number is somewhere in the low-5 second range if they want to woo the BMW crowd. They're hinting a 200-horse, four-banger turbocharged engine too- again- add another two cylinders and a hundred horses- then talk to the BMW guys...

I'm warmed to see the return of the Gran Sport name... Or the notion of the name in an era when, while everything may be better technically and just as nice relatively- it's just not the same.

Could have been better or worse... They could have re-vamped and re-introduced the T-Type, their weak and all-but forgotten effort in sporting-up the Buick line in the 1980's.

Maybe in another twenty years- in 2031.

Domino's Pizza- The Morning After A Good Product!

Last night I clicked a Domino's pizza for dinner- and it came- delivered to my door.

I'm on the computer so much- doing so many different things that when the doorbell rang- I was a bit startled at what it could be...

It was the pizza. Holy shit- this online thing actually worked.

Now, Domino's has been advertising their pizzas as completely re-vamped; new and improved.

Not just a new label- or new campaign. It said so on the box...

The pizza was good- then again, I never had a pizza- or a collection of dough, cheese and sauce I didn't eat, and didn't like- but it took a few hours to figure out what was "new" here...

Well, everything was new- just it took till around 1:30PM today to figure it out- after my four-mile jog mind you...

Garlic butter.

As I heated-up some leftovers for lunch (after my jog... did I mention I jogged four miles with no ill-effects of eating the said pizza? That's a good thing with me....) it hit me like a ton of bricks, (er) calroies- the new Domino's pizza is the old Domino's Pizza but with the Papa John's dipping garlic butter sauce- already basted to the bottom and the crust.

The pizza was delicious- don't get me wrong- but... Alas, add butter to most anything and it will invariably taste better. A lot better.

But I'll testify- Domino's pizza is a Good Product- and should be ordered, or clicked when the mood strikes you for pizza- nobody makes a butter pizza for the time, and the money.

Dominos.com... Click-Home The Good Stuff

I'm convinced pizza delivery, particularly mass-marketed, chain pizza delivery is a slippery notch in the slippery slope of the disgusting animals some of us humans have become. (I know some pigs who literally live on the stuff...)

I'm also convinced that the Internet- well, can be a creation of the devil. (Should I capitalize Devil?)

Combine the two- and you have... Dominos.com.

For when you're absolutely, positively too tired, too lazy or maybe even too shy to leave the house for dinner- there's Dominos.com...

In 1996 I sent my first e-mail. Tonight I ordered my first pizza online- and let me tell you- it was painless and actually quite rewarding.

Not only do you have virtual coupons to shop; but also a full menu, not to mention options for customizing your order- like... light on the sauce. Heavy on the cheese... Hold the... Well, you get it.

They give you pictures of what your pizza will look like- like when you build a new car on a manufacturer's website. (See, here's the car plug...)

I'll let you know when the pizza gets here. Domino's supposedly re-vamped their strategy and their recipe.

I'm sure it's good. I never ate a pizza I didn't like. No matter where I clicked-it-up.

The Poorest Man's CLS

When I got into the Mercedes-Benz business in the spring of 2005- the then, all-new Mercedes-Benz CLS500 was just making its debut.

For half a decade now, I haven't forgotten it- nor have I let anyone forget that, in my opinion- CLS stands for "Coupe Like Sedan," though I cannot officially claim it as original (I don't honestly know- it could be?)- I've written about at least a half-dozen times since its inception in various publications.

And you would think I like the car...

I really don't love the Mercedes CLS- it's just not my cup of tea- but I do admire the boldness in which Mercedes-Benz taught us to specify- "it's a coupe."

Well, who said a coupe had to have only two doors? Defying tradition- Mercedes-Benz even built a little "value" into the mix- like "it's a coupe with two extra doors..." as if they were doing us any favors for $70,000- plus, plus, plus.

Anyway, enough of the Mercedes CLS- I think its lines resemble a banana or a biscotti- if you want to know my honest opinion...

Volkswagen saw a niche with the CLS and gave us the "poor man's" CLS- the CC. It's like a sleek, sexy Passat- because no matter what has ever become of the Passat- it just never captured "sleek and sexy," neither has a Jetta... or most any other VW save for maybe the Corrado- but here I go dating myself...

The CC- nice CLS if you're $40,000 short and have to keep-up appearances with the Swabian Gangster Squad (I just officially made that up... don't go looking for it...)
I thought the notions of Coupe Like Sedan ended with the CC- but no... Meet the Poorest Man's CLS- the 2011 Hyundai Sonata.

Funny but... I like the 2011 Hyundai Sonata. A lot.

The Mercedes CLS is nice, but it's a gangster's Mercedes-Benz, pure and simple. Any asshole willing to buy a sedan and call it a coupe and ride-around like she (or he) is Stefanie Powers in Hart to Hart looking for trouble and adventure, well... I'll stop there.


And the VW CC is just a plain, cheaper, poser's version of the CLS. It is. It's too obvious- maybe because they're both German?

However the Hyundai- at under $20,000 is a true winner.

It's funny how at over $70,000 or even at half the price- the CLS concept is shaky in my opinion; but at under $20-grand- it works, and looks great!

200-horses, four cylinders, great warranty... And for the price- you can't beat the styling.
I love what Hyundai has done in the last five years- they're a great car company that's just now starting to come into their own- and I'm a fan.

They took the Sonata- which, like the VW Passat mentioned prior, was an aging, dull sedan- clearly a contender but not a winner over the Accord and Camry faithful and made it into something, well... Unique. For the price point anyway.

Mercedes-Benz, always a trendsetter in the automobile world- created a concept that took Hyundai of all car companies to perfect- in my humble opinion.

Again- at $70,000 it's silly. At starting under $20,000 MSRP it's beautiful and it makes sense.

In fact, I don't think you've heard Mercedes-Benz and Hyundai in the same sentence since around 2002- when a few auto magazines posed the "$27,000 Question" pitting the cheapest Mercedes-Benz, the C230 Coupe, against the most expensive and well-appointed Hyundai- then, the XG300.

Interesting argument...

At $27,000- their argument/message was- you could drive the "worst" Mercedes-Benz or the "best" Hyundai... Either way- you were trying to be something you clearly were not. Or trying to get away with something and not spending the money.

You could drive a Mercedes-Benz CLS550 today, or an all-new Hyundai Sonata.... For the fraction of the price, the CLS550 has clearly lost the price argument; but as far as "image" goes- the Mercedes has also lost the sentiment... at any price or point originality.

My father always questions me- "why does expensive always look better?" he then rephrases himself "why can't they make a Honda look like a Bentley?"

I think he may be concentrating on price more than anything... Then again- beauty is in the eye of the beholder, no matter how deep the pockets. Is there any accounting for taste?

The Hyundai Sonata... So much for being the "original."

Cheaper in this case, does it much, much better.

At under $20,000- looking up looks better than looking down from $70,000 and beyond.

This Brings Back Memories... Electric Cars.

So, I read an article on the new Nissan Leaf- the plug-in, electric vehicle from Nissan. SO, as far as the Chevy Volt is concerned- did we lose the race to have the first electric plug-in brought to market? Anyway... to me, plug-in technology is going backward. More on that a little later.

Evidently- they're coming out with a "fast charger" a "quick charger" sorta device that is meant to quickly charge the batteries on the Leaf... making the car more usable, better range, etc, etc.
When I was a kid, in 1987- I got into radio controlled cars- "R/C cars" as they were commonly known- and in the late '80s- just as I was getting into them- they were really all the rage with dozens of manufacturers, scales, modifications, even an entire aftermarket and racing leagues, magazines, etc, etc... dedicated to them.

I was obsessed.

This was, for me anyway, as close to a real car as cars got. These little 1/10-scale electric buggies. To make them go, you had a 7.2V NiCad battery pack and this thing called a "quick charger," this plug-in device that charged the said battery packs in 15-minutes flat. There was a little timer knob, a meter, even little lights that gave indications as to what was going on.

15-minutes was damn near eternity when you wanted to play with the darn thing.

Electric model cars were fun- they were quick, easy, quiet and clean. You could even run them indoors! But their biggest pain, their downfall, were those damn battery packs and the need to charge them two or three times an hour- just go get 10 minutes of playtime or "run time" as I remember it being called. That- and, well, they started out strong and the performance quickly evaporated as the run time went on- about seven minutes...

In 1989- I got my first "gas" car, or rather an R/C buggy that ran on nitro methane. This, my friends, was when I arrived... This was, and still is, R/C buggy driving at its finest.

Nitro-powered R/C cars... Not only were they twice as fast, they made a hell of a lot of noise and were messy, maybe even a little dangerous too... but... you didn't have to wait for the darn thing to charge- meaning- you never had to stop playing with it! Just add more fuel and go... And scare the ever-loving-shit out of your neighbors- even out-accelerate their Mustang 5.0s and Toyota MR-2s.

Well- I know, I know... I'm not being fair here. I'm correlating zero emission vehicle technology to my childhood hobby of expensive model cars; they're not the same... It's not the same.

But ask anyone who owned anything made by Tamiya back in the '80s- you won't get them excited on the notions of the Nissan Leaf, or any proposed "fast charger..."

Sure- electric vehicles have loads of torque and accelerate like crazy... But if you really want to have fun- and the kinda fun we've been having for well over a hundred years now- nothing will replace filling the tank up with something- and not having to wait for anything to "charge."

I don't think any real car guy will ever get a charge out of anything zero emissions; certainly not anything you have to plug-in. And wait.

My days of waiting ended with the '88 Tamiya Fox I had.

I'm not going backward- to hell with everything else!

You Can Kiss My Kizashi

Saw the commercials and finally saw one in the metal, on the road. I'm talking about the Kizashi. To be quite honest- you have to look hard to see a Suzuki in the wild... This one, reminds me of a slightly shrunken, "poor-man's" version of an Infiniti G37 which is a lot of car for the money- and about twice as much as the Kizashi; base-line Kizashi to a nicely equipped G37. Which is as skewed a comparison as I've ever heard- but then again- it works, if you want it to.

Suzukis are good cars, but for some reason or another- their mass appeal just isn't there. Maybe it still has a lot to do with Consumer Reports finding the Suzuki Samurai's propensity to roll-over back in 1988? Or maybe they're just a bit quirky?

I have a good friend and fellow-car guy who hinted they may be pulling-out of the US market- I mean- I don't know how anyone makes a living selling cars these days- let alone Suzukis. Maybe their motorcycles and ATVs are what keeps them afloat. I think I just answered my question here...

But I'm not here to spread rumors- just wonder a little bit. What the hell are they thinking? Kizashi?

The Kizashi is Suzuki's flagship sedan of sorts- it's a mid-size, so, the flag masts are short on this ship. For the record, Kizashi means "omen" in Japanese.

Looks like a neat little car- good styling, good amenity, in a very competitive segment too I might add.

Some other published auto mavens are even comparing the Kizashi to the prior generation Acura TSX and Subaru Legacy of a few years back; both the TSX and the Legacy have gotten much larger in recent years to swim in larger, Accord and Camry segments.

All-wheel-drive is optional, something not seen on a lot of similar cars its type. All-in-all, seems like a tidy package- yet- this is not the first Suzuki to come in a tidy package.

This car, I think, will make or break them once and for all... But what the hell were they thinking giving it a name like Kizashi?

Sounds like something exotic you order at a sushi place... Or maybe it's that new multi-grain cereal you should be eating? Maybe they just want you to finally forget the Samurai once and for all?

Maybe it's the Suzuki you should be driving, but really... A name may not say a lot about the car it represents- but for brand recognition... it works. If you want it to.

How to Buy a Car: Rule Number One...

Okay- no excuses, I know... No blog post last few days- been hustling around the place- trying to make a "dollar out of fifteen cents" (thanks Fiddy) but as I deal and wheel around the place- I want to reiterate the number one rule in the art of the deal... Let's say, the car deal...

Buying a new car? That's exciting- but it can be a lot of hard work. And it can be a lot (lot) harder if you approach it as if car salesmen are scum, out to get your hard-earned money and rip-you-off blind.

While that may be the case for some very rare, crooked car operations- the best advice I can give you- just do your homework.

In this day of information technology- there's no excuses not to do some online hunting for facts, figures- (and if you're buying) cold, hard numbers.

(I don't know if I've plugged it yet- but Edmunds.com and Truecar.com are two excellent sites to do your numbers homework.)

But the number one rule- and I'm going to keep this brief because 1.) I'm tried and 2.) it's pretty broad and 3.) well, there is no three that I can think of right now...

Rule number one: be reasonable.

Okay, I said it was brief- not simple.

What's reasonable?

Don't go into a car dealership, or any other establishment expecting to get something for nothing.

I'm not saying don't try to get a deal- but if you deal your wheel too much- you're never going to be satisfied- making the car buying experience (or widget buying experience) that much harder on yourself.

I'm not saying don't "push," just don't "shove" yourself into a situation (or a corner) you're never going to be totally satisfied with.

I'll leave you with this final thought- and I promised to be brief tonight...

The happiest customers I could remember when I was selling cars were the ones I made-out-with the most money on (we call it "holding gross" in the car business). They were the happiest- despite maybe paying a little too much- well, ignorance is truly bliss- and they left happy. (Sure- I made money- I was happy too...)

The worst customers, and by worst- I mean, most miserable and unsatisfied- paid the least. And this had nothing to do with my paycheck- honestly- these people were miserable.

If you pride yourself in being "one tough cookie" when it comes to a deal- well, chances are- you are... But I'll bet my gross, my bottom-line- you'll never be satisfied- at any price.

So- want to leave a negotiation (okay, a car negotiation) on a positive note?

Find that very fine line between knowledge, price and the situation at hand- evaluate your wants, what you're looking to get but leave with the ringing tones of reason in your head- nobody, not even car salesmen can be expected to bow-down to your every whim.

Not only is it bad business- but, let's be reasonable. Nothing comes for nothing.

Sooner or later- you have to ask yourself- is it worth it? What's your bottom-line number on piece-of-mind? Satisfaction? Happiness? A shiny new car?

Reason. It's certainly more expensive that you give it credit for.

A Failure? Or Unpopular? Or Relative? Which is It?

Came across an interesting article on Yahoo! about the Legendary Car Flops of our time- some of these cars go back 50-plus-years, so, that's a long time. Got me thinking on what were the worst cars of my time, say, within the last 30 years?

Surely if the media has anything to do with it- they'll have you thinking Toyotas and Lexus trucks are the worst cars of our time, but I don't think that's entirely true.

But be careful how you define "failure," here. How many failures do you know that were quite popular, even quite successful? Or do you have to be detrimental to the public to be a "failure," think Ford Pinto right about now?

Very subjective term- "failure."

Look at Hyundai- their cars were crap ten years ago. 20 years ago- when the world knew them as the makers of the Excel- what were they then? A failure? Um, yes- but actually quite successful- look where they took the lowly Excel- now they make great cars in their respective segments.

So, Hyundai isn't a failure- but why the Excel isn't considered one in the Yahoo article- is beyond me.

Oh, it sold well... I forgot. In order to be a failure- you have to be unpopular. You can be the biggest loser- but if people like you for it- you're a success.

All the more to you, or the car, I suppose.

But explain the Fiero. They consider the Pontiac Fiero a legendary automotive failure.

Was it? At one time, there were more dedicated websites and fan pages dedicated to one car- the Pontiac Fiero than any other car in the world. What would that make these people- failures or losers for liking it?

I guess some of us always appreciate an underdog. Or a dog-of-a-car.

But if you want to see automotive failure- have a look at Time's micro-site on the 50 Worst Cars of All Time.

Or pick-up one of the dozens of colorful coffee table books dedicated to automotive failure.

Seems people like buying these books to make the probably piece of crap in their driveways look all that much better. I have a "friend" who owns a such book- and he's always driven total pieces of shit... We're talking Chevy Barettas, Corsicas... Gee, what else? Lots of crap.

See- look at me, I'm getting subjective and judgmental now... It's not nice, I know.

Ironically, I came across a picture of a Pontiac Fiero with an aftermarket body-kit installed to make it resemble a Ferrari 348.

Ferrari purists, typically not "losers" (in taste or monetary ways)- don't consider the 348 a very good Ferrari. It was a transitional model of sorts- it's not a bad car, but as far as Ferrari's go- well, they don't completely suck- but they'll never be revered collector's items.

If Ferraris were wine- the 348 would be the table wine you drink with dinner- not the vintage you keep in your cellar for special occasions.

I guess if a Fiero can come close... How good can you be really?

Every car company has failures- but it's all how you want to look at them relatively (and in hindsight too, I may add...) that defines the term.